I have a confession to make – I’m a fraud.
Or, at least, I feel like a fraud.
It has been nearly two months since the launch of my travel blog, and I’m already losing motivation. I’m also beginning to question whether or not I have what it takes to make my wildest dreams come true. I call myself an aspiring travel blogger, but what right do I have to use that title? I haven’t travelled in over seven months, I’ve lacked new material on this blog in weeks, and I feel like my dream of eventually becoming a digital nomad is so far out of my reach that I may as well give up now.
THE WAY OF LIFE
For some people, the way of life is easy. You finish university, you find a steady job relevant to the degree that you spent tens of thousands of dollars getting, you find a decent place to live (maybe even buy a house), you get married and have children, and you go about your life just as society has always dictated that you should. Don’t misinterpret my words here, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with choosing that path; in fact, it’s probably the smartest way to live your life.
Some people just aren’t cut out for it, especially not me.
As far as my life is concerned, I feel like a little kid who is desperately trying to colour in the lines, because that’s what I’m told I need to do to pass kindergarten, even though my idea of art is something a little less conventional. I like to colour outside the lines.
A TRAVELLER’S LIFE FOR ME
To me, it feels like my life revolves around travel. I’m constantly thinking of my next adventure, I feel anxious when I haven’t booked a flight out of the country, and I know now after a few years of full-time work that society’s version of an adult life just isn’t for me. I don’t want to climb the corporate ladder, I want to climb the highest mountain in the world. I want to live in a country where English isn’t the native language; where I can experience new cultures; where I can colour outside the lines.
I crave adventure; for me, the absence of travel in my life feels like a thirst I just can’t quench. The stability of a full-time job is bittersweet; it gives me the opportunity to earn money to spend on travel, yet the time commitment restricts me from doing just that. Ironic, isn’t it?
A TRAVELLER WHO ISN’T TRAVELLING
I want to call myself a traveller, but how can I do so without actually travelling all the time? Am I a cop-out because I don’t travel full-time? Or am I allowed to call myself an aspiring travel blogger due to the very important fact that I am so deeply passionate about travel?
When I started my travel blog, I wanted to use it to recount the many stories of my adventures, and for a while, that was working for me. I was excited, inspired and motivated to start working towards creating the life that I have always wanted; the life where I could travel the world yet still be able to make a living. I wanted to inspire people to step outside their comfort zones, to explore the world. Then, real life took over.
I work and commute for 12 hours a day, which leaves me feeling drained, tired and completely void of inspiration. It’s not easy trying to write about travel when you lack inspiration, trust me. It also makes me feel like a fraud, because why should people trust my words when all I do is work, sleep and repeat? Who wants to hear the stories of travels from years and years ago when they should be hearing stories of travels from right now?
WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?
This entire post makes me sound like a little brat with the biggest first-world problem in the universe. While this is probably true, I’ll never stop being grateful for the opportunities that my life has afforded me; but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish for something more satisfying.
So, what would make my life more satisfying? Maybe it’s the ability to travel consistently, without financial or time restraints blocking my way. While this might seem like the obvious suggestion, it isn’t a realistic one. Not until I’ve won the lottery, at least.
What about more time in my day? Now, that is something a little more achievable. I recently figured out that time is what I really need in my life right now. Time will give me the chance to make a real effort to work towards my dreams.
I have since gotten a new job, one close to home, which will give me back hours of my time each day. Hours that I can spend finding inspiration; hours I can spend exploring my own backyard; hours I can spend planning my next adventure. I’ll still be working full-time, but in a way that gives me more freedom (and more annual leave, too).
I’M BACK, BABY
It’s hard to be a traveller who isn’t travelling, and it’s even harder to be an aspiring travel blogger who isn’t travelling. What I’ve realised though, is that it’s my passion that drives me, whether I’m currently travelling or not. It’s my passion that makes me work harder to reach my goals; it’s my passion that inspires me to keep going instead of giving up.
After a lot of soul searching, I now understand that life is not a checklist of milestones of which you must complete before you are allowed to consider yourself successful or happy. Life is a squiggly line of ups and downs, of triumphs and failure, of good times and bad. You don’t have to colour in the lines to pass kindergarten.
I’m sorry for being so absent only a mere two months after starting this blog. I want you all to know that I’m back, baby; I’m inspired, I’m motivated, and I’m ready to give you all something to read about.
Life is what you make it, and I’m going to make mine the best damn life I could ever dream of.